ima follow you wherever your mind goes

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 17 years old trying to understand the world around me. That had always been me – searching for the truth that had no definite answers. I consumed myself in music – it seemed to be the only escape from the reality I lived. There wasn’t anything wrong with my life – I had a loving family, and a handful of good friends. Something just didn’t seem right. I’ve always been searching for an unknown feeling. I’m still searching for that feeling, whatever it is. I think it may be my full potential – I have yet to pinpoint the exact emotion. But I continuously search for that pure happiness. The only thing that has brought me close to that feeling is music. I was able to imagine the happiness that I’ve always strived to attain. I would drive around with my friends and I could feel myself in the future – living the life I’ve always dreamed of. I felt complete. Very few artist were able to stimulate my mind to take me to that feeling – Mac Miller being one of them.
I remember sitting in my computer room watching the music video for Koolaid and Frozen Pizza. I instantly became obsessed with him and downloaded all of his mixtapes. He was my, ‘dream boy’ at the time (along with Kid Cudi). I remember sitting in art class listening to the Best Day Ever mixtape and just feeling so much inspiration. It was as if I was living my dreams through his. His music guided me in a way that allowed me to feel understood – to release all the unknown pain that I felt.

I’ve always pictured him being my best friend someday. I just knew in my heart that we would be in each other’s lives. That’s why it hurts that much more, knowing that I’ll never get to experience that.

Losing him has opened my eyes in many ways. Most importantly – it reminds me that life isn’t guaranteed. It puts things into perspective that I must live the purpose that I’ve been given. I can’t waste time doubting my ability. I can’t think that just because I want something – that it’ll just happen. It personally hits home because my sole purpose is to help others remember their light and of their value. It hurts me to think of the darkness that he was experiencing. I read in his most recent interview that he can’t imagine life not being a balance of both darkness and light. I know that feeling all too well – I think we all do. We have our bad days where we just want to sit in our misery and we have our good days that remind us of the absolute light that we shine. I know that he didn’t want to die. I know that he was just trying to escape his mind, to escape that bad day.

Every post that I’ve read tells of the light he was within everyone’s lives. I could feel it. My heart hurts for his loved ones. I hope that they receive signs throughout every day of their lives of his presence and of his love.

Let this be our wake up call to live our best lives. To make the world a better place by being kind, loving strangers. To help anyone in need. To check up on friends that we haven’t talked to in awhile – especially our strong ones. To wake up and be thankful that we had the opportunity to wake up. To spend our lives breaking routines – just to remember the beauty of this gift. To live our true purpose. To love ourselves, and to help ourselves when we need it most.

As always, I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything.

Please do not hesitate to message me.

I’m thankful for all my loved ones and I’m thankful to be alive.

Always.